Been a Big Coupla Wheeks

Been a big couple of weeks here at Old Winters. Bryn’s sister Elayne and husband Jim spent a week with us, helped out as needed. They smoothed our path and shouldered responsibilities so we each could pursue individual goals, offered listening ears, understanding hearts.

 

sister Elayne, niece Rachel, nephew Gabe, Dave. Bryn, nice Cammie

Dave’s former wife Naomi, kids Jeremy, Jennifer, Martha & Brian, and grandkids Noah, Brennan, Charlie, Anna, Autumn (ages 12-6) spent Saturday, 15 February, with us. Houseful of fun, food, folks—Elayne’s & Jim’s youngest Gabe and wife Cammie visited, as well. 

Bryn was alert and aware, thankful for being present to the activities and individuals involved. He saw a personal wish fulfilled in his clown character Mumblecrust making a brief appearance, presentation and program for the gathering. For 40 years, the clown as served Bryn as teacher, mentor, instructor and guide. Especially poignant for him was the moment when Mumblecrust waved goodbye.

Mumblecrust

Life-long (if life begins at 20) friend Serge flew in from Toulouse, France on Thursday night to spend the weekend. Serge was the first person with whom Bryn ever fell in love; the two have remained warm friends ever since. In recent years he, Dave and Bryn have vacationed together. Dave and Bryn used Serge’s and husband Bladimir’s home as a honeymoon destination. This weekend we reminisced, reconnected and relived significant moments. Saying goodbye epitomized sweet sweet sorrow.

Bryn, Serge

 

 

 

 

 

Serge, Bryn, Dave

 

 

These last few weeks nausea and vomiting have been familiar visitors who arrive unannounced and don’t always stay long before ducking out, only to reappear in eight to ten hours later. But there’s no predicting their pattern. Bryn and his eldest sister Elayne reminisced and visited as energy levels allowed. At one point Bryn was seated opposite Elayne when nausea Adams calling. He grabbed the porcelain pail just in time. In a flash, Elayne was sitting beside him, cradling his forehead, patting his lower-middle back, crooning, “Let it come, it will be alright.”

This brought Bryn to tears. (This, or maybe the bitter acid taste in his mouth, or the fact that his sister had run toward him rather than away when he was at his weakest, most vulnerable, least prettiest.) “Elayne, you are the embodiment of our father’s love,” Bryn told her. “You and I both have strong memories of our dad taking care of us in such a way at such times. Thank you.”

 

Iso Papa and three of the grandkids, photo included in a Valentine's Day card from the kids

 

Each of the grandkids put together special Valentine’s Day greetings for their Iso-Papa, as they call Bryn . . . Among the memories they highlight: playtimes together, laughter, energy, games, caring for chickens and geese, woodland hikes, reading books. Photos were included, as well.

The weekend spent saying hello/goodbye to Serge gave me a lens through which to view my passing in and out of life. Three days with my first love, a lifelong friend. Three days to say thank you, to say I love you, I let you go. Three days and no say, really, over whether I would be present to the moment or racked with pain.

I wondered how I would handle this final farewell, saw it as a rehearsal for letting go all whom I love. My tendency: freight such moments with more gravity than they already carry. All my life I’ve tried to pile on too much. ’Had energy for accompanying Serge and Dave to the airport in Indianapolis, but not enough left over for an effusive display of grief and farewell at the gate where we parted. ‘Let Serge’s tears speak for him and me. Waved until he was out of sight.

For now, daybeds

A hospital bed now graces our living room. I’ll use it as a day bed/daytime headquarters, can still sleep in the bedroom next to Dave. He plans to sleep on the couch when I move to the hospital bed full time. Jaundice is showing in the yellow cast to my skin. Maybe because the bile duct is getting obstructed by the tumor. Made it to Ball State university theatre two times(!) last week—here’s a snapshot of Tish, Kelly, Serge, Dave and Bryn afterward.

 

Tish, Serge, Kelly, Dave, Bryn